Posts Tagged ‘Counseling’


Little Tim is experiencing feelings he has never experienced in his life.  He has fallen in love for the first time.  The air has a sweet aroma and the colors all have a deeper hue. Then one day his world collapses.  She asks one of her girlfriends to tell Tim that she wants to break up with him.  In that moment the sun is covered by a blue moon and he has the classic song calls a total eclipse of the heart.  Mom, trying to console him says, “Don’t worry, Tim, there are plenty of fish in the sea.  Get back out there and find another girlfriend.”  And so it begins.

The second way conventional wisdom says deal with your grief is to “replace your loss” while the Bible encourages us to first accept the reality of our situation.

When we try to replace our loss, what we’re really doing is trying to erase the memory of whatever was lost. A prime example of this is when someone goes through divorce and then turns around and too quickly remarries. The problem is that they’ve never really dealt with the pain and so they are hobbling into another relationship.

Coming to terms with the reality of loss is huge in recovering from pain. How can you be healed unless you know where it hurts?

King David was a great king, but at one point committed adultery with Bathsheba. She became pregnant, but because of David’s sin the baby died (A side note here: There is always death associated with sin. Romans 6:23) And so for seven days, David expressed his pain in loud wailings and moaning.

Then on the seventh day the baby died. David’s advisers were afraid to tell him. “He was so broken up about the baby being sick,” they said. “What will he do to himself when we tell him the child is dead?” But when David saw them whispering, he realized what had happened. “Is the baby dead?” he asked.”Yes,” they replied. Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes. Then he went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the Lord. After that, he returned to the palace and ate. His advisers were amazed. “We don’t understand you,” they told him. “While the baby was still living, you wept and refused to eat. But now that the baby is dead, you have stopped your mourning and are eating again.” David replied, “I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ‘Perhaps the Lord will be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again?” 2 Samuel 12:18-23 [NLT]

David expressed his pain, but, then he accepted the reality.

Question – If you’ve suffered a major loss, have you tried to get a grip on the reality of it, to stare it right in the face and say, “this is the deal?” Or are you trying to just “get over it” or “get on with life?” It’s not that simple. It doesn’t work that way.

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About thirty years ago I woke up with a headache.  Now we all do that from time to time but after about three weeks of waking up with a headache I started thinking I had a problem (I know, I’m a man, right?).  My doctor’s recommendation was that I needed to check into a hospital for a battery of tests.  So I checked into Forrest General Hospital in Hattiesburg, MS for an overnight stay that lasted five days. 

After visits from every type of doctor from a Neurologist to a Podiatrist I finally found one who felt like he had found my problem… a Psychiatrist!  I failed my psychological test.  You can laugh but I seriously failed this test as badly as any test I had ever taken.  I was prescribed some heavy psychotropic drugs and scheduled for a series of counseling sessions.  Let me cut to the chase: I needed counseling but either did not know it or I knew it deep down inside but would not admit it to myself.  Looking back, I think it was the later.

So my point in writing this blog is to help you decided if you or someone you love needs to seek counseling help without having to spend a week in the hospital being poked and prodded to find out.  There are a lot of good self analysis plans to guide you in this that you can find if you type in Google the phrase “Do I Need Counseling?”  Here is the link to one that I feel can help you decide whether or not you need to talk with someone: Counseling Self-Test

 I know it may seem a little self-serving for me to write about the need for counseling.  However, having been on the counselee side of counseling, I can say with confidence that it can help us to get a new perspective on life.  I’ve read that the secret to healing is revealing and I agree.  Going through life with a painted on smile saying “I’m fine” every time you are asked how you are doing is at best a lie and at worst life threatening.

Find appropriate help based on your need.  Sometimes a trusted friend is enough.  Other times you may need someone with the training to walk you through life issues.  You have so many counseling options available to today.  There is, of course, in-person counseling which would be the ideal, but there is also online therapy to consider. Online counseling is live counseling through a webcam and Skype (free video conferencing).

I would be honored to serve your counseling needs.  I offer both in-person and online sessions.  While I am unable at the present time to take insurance, I offer a sliding fee scale for you to decide what you can afford.  Your first session is always free so that you can decide whether or not Ready4Life Counseling is for you.  For more information you can check out my website www.ready4lifecounseling.com or call me at 601-818-5665. 

By the way, I’m much better now.  You can ask… well just take my word for it!

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AN URGENT NEED

Posted: November 8, 2011 in Christian Counseling, Counseling
Tags: ,

This is a rather hard post to write.  I know it is related to my pride but I hate asking for financial assistance.  However, I have learned through the years from personal experience that someone else’s need is, many times, my opportunity to receive a blessing.  In this situation, I am asking you to be a blessing as well as receive blessings.

As many of you know my health related transtion from pastor at the wonderful Wahoo Church to full-time counseling was somewhat sudden.  We are tight finacially but are making it.  However the capital I need to properly promote Ready4Life Counseling in the Hattiesburg area is just not there.  Right now we are heading into the holiday season and as odd as it may seem, there are more hurting people during this time than any other time of the year.  I believe God has called me to minister to individuals and families but I need to let them know that I am here.  I have been visiting with pastors and other church leaders and have been received with enthusiasm.

I will cut to the chase.  I am praying for $1000.oo to promote this ministry in the various media outlets.  If you can donate any amount it would be very much appreciated.  To donate “click” on the the MAKE A DONATION button below.  If you are unable to donate at this time, please pray for this effort.

It is my heart’s desire to use the gifts and training God has given me to help hurting people.  The Ready4Life Counseling motto is To Lead Others Upward To A Brighter Tomorrow!  Thanks in advance for your help in reaching this goal.


Online counseling – “e-therapy” – is discussing your current life issue with a professional counselor through the Internet.  The goal is to find the perspective, knowledge, and support you need to help you grow beyond your current troubles. You can meet with a professional for personal counseling, coaching, or advice from the privacy of your own computer. Using the Internet, professional counselors are forming effective helping relationships with people like you. Your situation may require only one session to address the issue you are facing. Some concerns require an ongoing conversation. Online is primarily via live video conferencing, live typing chat, or via email.

Obviously online counseling is different than face to face counseling.  In some ways online counseling is better and there are ways that traditional face to face counseling is better.  It is my belief that people recover and find the best solution for dealing with problems because of the therapeutic relationship between client and counselor. Online counseling lacks part of the experience of the relationship (experiencing the physical presence of one another is important for growth). If you have the opportunity to see a counselor face-to-face, I suggest you consider this option.

E-therapy is a viable alternative when face-to-face counseling is not accessible. It’s effective and private when conducted by skilled, qualified, and ethical professionals. And for some people, it’s the only way they can get help from a professional counselor.

I’m Interested! What Next?
Here are links to help you find out more information about Ready4Life Counseling Service:

Use this link to fill out our initial contact form.
Yes, I am ready to sign up for Professional Christian Counseling Live!

Use this link to go over options and fees.
Yes, I want to learn more about the financial investment!  

Use this link to learn more about your counselor
Yes, I want to learn more about Dr. Billy Ready!

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Many times since I began counseling I have been speaking with a friend who says “I wish you lived closer.  I (or someone I know) need(s) someone to talk with about a problem.”  Well technology such as Telephone, Skype, I-Chat or other VOIP sessions are now available for those who live one block away or 10,000 miles away. These sessions are typically as effective as office sessions and, for many, they are the most effective, logical, convenient and practical choice.  Video counseling is online counseling where client and counselor use a webcam to communicate. This counseling type comes closest to a face to face counseling experience. Video counseling is the most state of the art online counseling medium available and means you can see and hear your counselor from the privacy and convenience of your own home or office.

Programs such as Skype, Gmail Video Chat, and Yahoo Messenger allow real-time communication with live video. All of these programs are free and available on the web. All you need is an internet connection (preferably broadband or high speed) and a computer with a built-in camera or a web cam. In addition, Skype is now available for use on iphones. If you have never used these free and readily available technologies before, I would be happy to coach you. Video-conferencing also has the advantage of allowing you to hear and see me without using up cell phone minutes or accruing long-distance charges.

To schedule video chat counseling click here. For more information about how to set up this type of counseling email me at dr.billyr@gmail.com and I will guide you step by step in setting up your system.


Christian Temperament Counseling utilizes Temperament Analysis (also known as Creation Therapy), which is based on the belief that each person is endowed by God with a unique temperament while still in their mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13 “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.”

Temperament is not the same thing as character or personality. Character results from learned behavior, and personality is the “mask” we choose to wear before the world. Temperament underlies all that we are, in a spiritual sense. It is a sort of “spiritual DNA.” Our inborn temperament directs the way we perceive ourselves, people, and situations. It is who we are in our innermost created being. When the needs of our temperament are not met, we experience emotional stress and pain–within ourselves or between us and other people.

Why Explore Temperament?

Temperament Counseling is for the good times as well as the tough times of life. Exploring temperament increases your awareness of your basic and unique needs while helping you understand how to meet those needs in godly ways. It can bring insight and healing into relationships.

As you recognize your strengths, weaknesses, and passions you can see the possibilities for how God can use you to bless others.

 How Do You Get Started?

The process begins when you fill out an A.P.S. profile form. This time-tested assessment tool, for adults, teens and children, takes only a short time to complete. Your responses create a unique personal profile that helps you learn about your temperament in three foundational areas:

INCLUSION

Social orientation and thinking processes

INCLUSION answers questions like:

Who gets included in my life? To what extent? Does being with others rejuvenate or deplete me? How comfortable am I socializing? Do I belong? How much energy do I put into thinking things through? Am I creative? Impulsive? Do I analyze every detail? Am I more relationship, task, or goal oriented?

The need that a person is attempting to meet in the area of INCLUSION is the perception of feeling significant or worthwhile.

CONTROL

Capacity to make decisions and accept responsibility

CONTROL answers questions like:

Who establishes and holds the power in my relationships? How much do I naturally want to influence others? How much do I want (or will I allow) others to control me? How willing am I to make decisions and accept responsibility for myself and/or others? Am I a leader, follower, influencer, rebel, servant?

The need that a person is attempting to meet in the area of CONTROL is the perception of feeling competent and capable.

AFFECTION

Emotional interaction in relationships

AFFECTION answers questions like:

How many people do I want to feel very close to? How willing am I to be unguarded in my emotions with another person? To become close to someone, am I able to confide my innermost desires, anxieties and feelings? How easily am I able to give and receive physical expressions of love, warmth, and approval in my deep relationships?

The need that a person is attempting to meet in the area of AFFECTION is the perception of feeling that one’s self is lovable.

For instructions on ordering a personalized A.P.S. analysis for yourself, a family member, staff members, or employees click here A.P.S. and follow the instructions at the bottom of the page.

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As most of you know, I have begun a new chapter in my life.  After close to 40 years of being a vocation church based minister, I have moved to the Hattiesburg, MS area to establish a full-time counseling service.  I had a friend tell me that people who do this always make it about 90% of the time. I’m not real sure what he meant by “make it,” but my hope is to at least keep the people I owe happy and help a few people out in the process.

For the next few posts, I want to explain a little bit more about the counseling I offer and how it can benefit you or someone you care about.

While I offer a wide range of counseling approaches, Temperament Therapy is my basic foundational approach.  Temperament, in simple terms, is the genetic in-born part of a person that determines how we react to people, places and things. In short, it influences how we interact with our environment. Temperament counseling pinpoints our perception of ourselves and the people around us. It is the determining factor in how well we cope with everyday stress and pressure.

Temperament Therapy is a positive and affirming method based on the belief that everyone is created with a unique temperament and purpose for life.

By way of personal testimony, I believe that understanding my temperament has help me approach life in a way that will mean a few more years of healthy living.  I discovered that my temperament in the area of social interaction (which is one of three areas classified by Christian Temperament Counseling) is Melancholy compulsive.  This means that when I am with crowds of people, I am naturally experiencing stress.  As a pastor, as much as I love the church family I was still out of my temperament comfort zone.  When I came to understand this I decided to go home after church services each week and recharge by hitting Big Blue (the name I gave my blue Lazy Boy) pretty hard for forty-five minutes to an hour.  I believe this simple course correction lowered my blood pressure significantly.

Ask Yourself…

  • Why do I do the things that I do?
  • Why do I act this way?
  • Why do I stay home when others go out?
  • Why do I not share my feelings with others?
  • Why do I help people who don’t appreciate it?
  • Why do I ignore the people I love?
  • Why do I tend to take control?
  • Why do I allow people to hurt me?
  • Why do I move from one job to another?
  • Why do I get so tired during the day?
  • Why do I lose close friendships?
  • Why do I hold on to hurt feelings?
  • Why do I end up doing all the work?
  • Why do I tend to embarrass others?
  • Why do I get so angry?
  • Why do I keep dating the same type of people?
  • Why do I have trouble going to sleep at night?
  • Why do I crack jokes when I am nervous?
  • Why do I never slow down?
  • Why do I keep people at a distance?

The answers to these questions and more can be found in your personal Temperament Analysis Profile (APS).

The assessment of temperament is made using a simple, 54-question psychometric instrument known as the Arno Profile System (APS). This questionnaire is completed in less than 10 minutes and is processed to generate a personal temperament profile. This profile serves as one of the diagnostic foundations upon which counseling is based. Understanding your in-born, God-given temperament is the first step in resolving emotional stress.

In my next couple of post I want to give you more information about Temperament Counseling including how you might obtain a personalized profile for you, your spouse, your children, church staff, or employees.

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