Archive for the ‘Confidence’ Category


When it comes to social interactions, I have what is known as a Melancholy temperament.  This means that interacting socially for me with people outside of my closest friends and family is somewhat stressful.  I did not know this about myself until recently.  However, one thing I have always known is that I have always felt awkward talking with people I don’t know very well.  I have on too many occasions walked away from social conversations saying to myself, “That was a stupid thing to say.” 

It would be very selfish of me to just not speak to people or to stay home all the time and never venture out to parties or situations where casual conversation is expected.  Beyond that, part of the mission of a Christian is to share the good news of Christ with the world.  You just can’t do that without stepping out and speaking up. 

Two thoughts have helped me with this:

  1. As a Christian, I have the Spirit of God living in me and He is wisdom. Did you catch that?  He is wisdom.  Not, He has wisdom… He is wisdom!  I have wisdom in perfect form living within me.  If I am tuned in to the Spirit living in me, I never have to worry about what to say.  I never need to be intimidated by the person I am talking to because if he or she is wise, their wisdom came from the same Spirit living in me.
  2. Being a good conversationalist is not primarily about saying the right thing but responding the right way to what the other person is saying.  I think Mr. Carnegie has is right in his HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE.  He says that if you want people to walk away from a conversation with you thinking, “Wow, he’s a good conversationalist,” you need to learn the art of listening.  I once read that God has given us a picture of how this is suppose to work by giving us two ears and only one mouth.  I hope to explore the fine art of listening in the days ahead. 

Let me know what you think about this or any of my other posts.  I’m listening!

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4.  BE CAREFUL WHEN SELECTING YOUR FRIENDS

 This is very important.  Self image is heavily influenced by relationships so you need to select your relationships very carefully.  The company you keep has a dramatic effect on your self esteem and on your confidence. 

 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Bad company corrupts good character.” Parents tell their kids that all the time.  If you want to soar with the eagles, you can’t run with the turkeys.  You’ve got to select your friends wisely. They have a big influence on your life. 

 Charlie Brown is the world’s greatest loser.  It is very clear why he’s such a loser.  Lucy!  Lucy is always telling Charlie Brown what is wrong with him, why his idea is dumb.  In one cartoon she said, “You, Charlie Brown, are a foul ball in the line drive of life.  You stand in the shadow of your own goal post.  You are a miscue.  You are three putts on the eighteenth green.  You are a seven-ten split in the tenth frame. You’re a missed free throw, a called third strike.  You are a dropped rod and reel in the lake of life.  Do you understand me, Charlie Brown?  Have I made myself clear?”  With friends like Lucy, who needs enemies?

The Lucys in your life will damage your self- image with their insults and their put downs. This may sound negative but it would seem there are some people who see as their mission in life to put you down.  You can’t insulate yourself from these people but you can limit your exposure to them.  Choose the right friends.

5.  HAVE A PROPER FOCUS

If you want to be confident, you need to find a cause greater than being self-centered.  A worthy goal will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.  Make something of your life.

Matthew 16:25-26 “For anyone who keeps his life for himself shall lose it.  And anyone who loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be if a person gains the whole world, yet forfeits his own soul?”  Jesus is talking.  He’s saying we discover ourselves when we give ourselves away. 

Self confidence is definitely not self-centeredness.  There’s a difference.  Self centeredness leads to insecurity.  You need to be self confident without being self centered.  How do you do that?  You give your life away to a great cause, a great purpose.   

Invest your life.  Don’t waste it, don’t spend it.  Invest your life in a cause that is greater than yourself. 

6.  DEVELOP A DEEP TRUST IN GOD

 Jeremiah 17:7-8 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confdence.  He is like a tree planted along a river bank with roots reaching deep into the water, not bothered by the heat, nor worried by long months of drought it stays green and goes on producing fruit.” 

Life is difficult.  It’s tough.  This passage happens to mention two kinds of difficulties.  Heat and drought.  Heat, I think, are the sudden crises of life.  Heat comes on suddenly.  The accident.  The cancer.  The death.  Somebody walks out of your life.  The earthquake.  How do you handle it when the heat is on in your life?

Then there is drought.  Long periods of time when you must go without something you feel you need.  You’re out of work.  You’re out of income.  You’re out of energy.  You’re doing without.  How do you handle those kinds of things?   

Notice three words:  trust, hope, confidence.  He says “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence.”  He’s talking about a relationship with God.  When you trust in God, you’re having a relationship to God.  The result is you won’t be bothered by these things.

 This guy is like a tree and he keeps on blooming even in the middle of heat and in the middle of drought and the reason he is not bothered is that his roots go down into the Lord.  He has faith in God. 

 What is the source of your confidence?  Perhaps you are trusting in your career.  You’ve got it made, you’re on the fast track, things are going great.  When you’re hot, you’re hot!  But when you’re not, you’re not. 

To have unshakable confidence, you must put your confidence in something that can never, ever be taken from you.  And there’s only one thing that can never be taken from you, your relationship sith God through Jesus.  It can never be taken.

That’s how you grow in confidence.

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Self-Confidence, Krishnaymv's Photo, Flickr.comPeople with a high level of self confidence are more successful, are more satisfied with their lives, are more willing to help others in need, are physically healthier, hold themselves to higher moral and ethical standards, are more likely to assume leadership, have more satisfying relationship, are more productive, are less affected by stress, and are more likely to see God as caring, loving and forgiving.  Those are some of the traits I try to develop in myself and I suspect I’m not the only one.  Therefore I humbly submit my suggestions.  (From time to time I feel compelled to give this disclaimer: I milk a lot of cows to get a bucket full.)  

 1.  BE YOURSELF.

 That seems obvious but it’s rare because most people are busy trying to be somebody they’re not. 

I’ve met very few people who accept themselves.  Very few people who actually like the man or the woman in the mirror. I told someone the other day that I wanted to put a note on my mirror that reads, “Objects in this mirror are better looking than they appear,” especially first thing in the morning!

 I remember when I first starting out as a preacher.  I had no idea how to put a sermon together or how to deliver it.  There was a black preacher that I really liked to listen to named Tony Evans.  I transcribed three of his sermons and memorized them.  I then listened to them over and over trying to get to the point where I could deliver them just like Tony did them.  I wish you could have been in the audience.  It had to be funny listening to a white country boy trying to sound like a black preacher.  I’ll never forget my mom’s words, “Well son that was interesting.”  Not interesting like “riveting” but interesting like “strange.”

 My point is, you are going to have much more success in life if it is your life you are living out of rather than someone else’s.  Confidence is when you can say like Paul in 1 Corinthians 15:10 “By the grace of God I am what I am.”  If I remember correctly, Popeye might have said this also (which may be of no interest to you but I find rather intriguing).

 2.  AIM FOR PERSONAL EXCELLENCE.

 Do your best with what you have to work with.  Galatians 6:4 “Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.”

 It’s more important to do your best than it is to be the best.  Not everybody can be the best.  Find the things you can be good at and specialize in them. 

 3.  DON’T DARE COMPARE.

 I’m not kidding myself.  I know how hard this is in this competitive society in which we live but when you compare, you put yourself on an emotional roller coaster.  One minute you are feeling good about yourself and then you start comparing and your confidence goes down the drain. 

 Psalm 73:2-3, David:  “I nearly lost my confidence because I was jealous.”  There is no habit as destructive to your self-image as comparing.  Every time you compare, you are putting yourself in the fertile soil of pride.  You can always find somebody you’re doing a better job than and you get full of pride — “I’m pretty good!” Or you find somebody who’s doing a better job and then you get bitter and discouraged.  Don’t compare.  Either way you get crushed!

 If you want to become a confident person, be yourself, aim for excellence, don’t dare compare.

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