Here we go with day two of the vacation edition of Ready 4 Life Counseling Blog. I’m just going to be blunt about this and I hope everyone understands my point. Marriage can be one of two extremes: heaven on earth or he…well I think you get my point. On any given day it can fall anywhere between those two extremes. I believe that the more you journey onward and the more you unlock these six doors, the more you will find your marriage in the heaven on earth side of the graph.
So, let me begin today with these questions: Is it possible any more for two people to love each other so much that they would spend their entire lives together? Is it possible that two people could be so bound together, so bonded together in a marriage that nothing can separate them except death? Is that possible?
Key #2: Consideration
You must be considerate of your husband or your wife. 1 Corinthians 1:10 says, “You must learn to be considerate of one another cultivating a life in common.” When I am being considerate I stop plowing through life only thinking about me.
You start thinking of “we” instead of “me” it means paying attention to what your spouse says. It means showing common courtesy. It means respecting and treating them with respect and with care. Some of you have been married for decades and you would stutter and stammer if I were to ask you what your spouse’s favorite color is.
Husbands, we especially need to work on this consideration. But all of us need to work on it together. One of the primary purposes of marriage is to teach you how to be considerate. Notice it says, “You must learn to be considerate.” Circle “learn”. You know why you must learn to be considerate? Because being considerate is not our default mode. We are by default selfish. I think about my needs, my hurts, and my wants. I’m not thinking about you. I’m thinking about me. It just may be that one of the primary purposes of marriage is to teach us to think “we” and not just “me;” To teach us to be considerate.
God’s purpose in your marriage is not just to make you happy. That’s a benefit of it but it’s not the purpose of marriage. The purpose of marriage is not to make you happy but holy. Because when you get in a marriage you don’t get your way all the time any more. You have to learn to be considerate. So marriage is a school of consideration; learning to be unselfish. You learn it in marriage more than any other place.
Husbands, as I said, we especially have to work on this. 1 Peter 3:7 says, “Husbands, show consideration for your wives in your life together so that nothing may hinder our prayers.” Did you know, men, when you are inconsiderate to your wife it hinders your prayer life?
If you’re out bossing the family around and being selfish and being controlling and being manipulative or harsh and inconsiderate God says, I’m not going to listen to the prayers of a selfish man. You say, God, I need Your help on this business deal. He says, You’re too selfish. One of the primary goals of life is to teach us to be unselfish. The primary school is marriage. God says I want you to learn to be considerate.
The Bible tells us in James 3 that being considerate is a mark of wisdom which means when I’m inconsiderate I’m a fool. I’m stupid. I’m dumb. I’m foolish. Anytime I’m inconsiderate, not just to my wife but to anybody – to the check out lady at Wal Mart – I am being unwise. Wisdom is shown by being considerate of the needs of other people that include offering forgiveness.